Saturday, April 3, 2010

The Art of Oral Sex for pleasing a Women

The Art of Oral Sex for pleasing a Women

I recently received a phone call from a young man who had come to see me about a month ago to learn how to pleasure women. He was frustrated trying to give his girlfriend an orgasm this way with no success, and he thought that maybe she just did not like oral loving.

“How can it be possible?” he asked me in disbelief during the session.

There could be several reasons. Just to mention a few:

She might have felt ashamed of it as many women do when they grow up, believing that their sex center is “dirty.”

Perhaps the first man who did oral on her might have stimulated her clitoris too soon and too hard, and it might have been rather painful to her.

I remember seeing his eyes widen at my answer, so I asked him about his approach, and from his description I understood why she did not like it.

Immediately he asked me if I could teach him how to give oral pleasure to a woman.

I explained that the tiny clitoris has thousands of nerve endings, and that it should be approached gently and slowly at first, otherwise the sensation gets too intense, and can even become painful. Some women want other parts of their yoni stimulated first, before going to the clitoris.

Tantra.com website

The best approach begins with taking time to connect with her first by looking into her eyes, and then synchronizing your breath with her. By doing that, you can penetrate her soul, and go places with her you might not have reached before.

Once you have connected with her through the eye and the breath, move your attention to her body. Start breathing on the yoni before you move on to touching it with your tongue, softly at first.

Keep monitoring her facial expression and her body reaction to your approach. You can also ask about her experience, if you are not sure what her facial expression wants to tell you.

Most women like to be brought to a place of wanting more instead having to pull back because it’s too intense. When the yoni opens up more, then you can increase the firmness gradually.

The more attention you pay to your lover’s expression and adjust your giving accordingly, the more you can heighten her pleasure and your enjoyment in riding the waves of ecstasy with her.

Now, calling me a month later, this young man proudly announced that his girlfriend reaches several orgasms when he gives her oral attention. He told me that his highest pleasure was to see her in ecstasy, and he was so grateful for the teaching he had received from me.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

How a penis changes in size, appearance, and sexual function as a man ages

How a penis changes in size, appearance, and sexual function as a man ages


Tantra.com website
It's no secret that a man's sexual function declines with age. As his testosterone level falls, it takes more to arouse him. Once aroused, he takes longer to get an erection and to achieve orgasm and, following orgasm, to become aroused again. Age brings marked declines in semen volume and sperm quality. Erectile dysfunction (ED), or impotence, is clearly linked to advancing years; between the ages of 40 and 70, the percentage of potent men falls from 60% to roughly 30%, studies show.


Men also experience a gradual decline in urinary function. Studies show that a man's urine stream weakens over time, the consequence of weakened bladder muscles and, in many cases, prostate enlargement.


And that's not all. Recent research confirms what men have long suspected and, in some cases, feared: that the penis itself undergoes significant changes as a man moves from his sexual prime -- around age 30 for most guys -- into middle age and on to his dotage. These changes include:


Appearance. There are two major changes. The head of the penis (glans) gradually loses its purplish color, the result of reduced blood flow. And there is a slow loss of pubic hair. "As testosterone wanes, the penis gradually reverts to its prepubertal, mostly hairless, state," says Irwin Goldstein, MD, director of sexual medicine at Alvarado Hospital in San Diego and editor-in-chief of The Journal of Sexual Medicine.


Penis Size. Weight gain is common as men grow older. As fat accumulates on the lower abdomen, the apparent size of the penis changes. "A large prepubic fat pad makes the penile shaft look shorter," says Ira Sharlip, MD, clinical professor of urology at the University of California, San Francisco.


"In some cases, abdominal fat all but buries the penis," says Ronald Tamler, MD, PhD, co-director of the Men's Health Program at Mount Sinai Hospital in New York City. "One way I motivate my overweight patients is by telling them that they can appear to gain up to an inch in size simply by losing weight."


In addition to this apparent shrinkage (which is reversible) the penis tends to undergo an actual (and irreversible) reduction in size. The reduction -- in both length and thickness -- typically isn't dramatic but may be noticeable. "If a man's erect penis is 6 inches long when he is in his 30s, it might be 5 or 5-and-a-half inches when he reaches his 60s or 70s," says Goldstein.


What causes the penis to shrink? At least two mechanisms are involved, experts say. One is the slow deposition of fatty substances (plaques) inside tiny arteries in the penis, which impairs blood flow to the organ. This process, known as atherosclerosis, is the same one that contributes to blockages inside the coronary arteries -- a leading cause of heart attack.


Goldstein explains that another mechanism involves the gradual buildup of relatively inelastic collagen (scar tissue) within the stretchy fibrous sheath that surrounds the erection chambers. Erections occur when these chambers fill with blood. Blockages within the penile arteries -- and increasingly inelastic chambers -- mean smaller erections.


As penis size changes, so do the testicles. "Starting around age 40, the testicles definitely begin to shrink," says Goldstein. The testicles of a 30-year-old man might measure 3 centimeters in diameter, he says; those of a 60-year-old, perhaps only 2 centimeters.


Curvature. If penile scar tissue accumulates unevenly, the penis can become curved. This condition, known as Peyronie's disease, occurs most commonly in middle age. It can cause painful erections and make intercourse difficult. The condition may require surgery.


Sensitivity. Numerous studies have shown that the penis becomes less sensitive over time. This can make it hard to achieve an erection and to have an orgasm. Whether it renders orgasm less pleasurable remains an open question.


If there's a silver lining to these presumably unwelcome changes, it's this: Experts say these changes need not ruin your erotic life. One recent study involving 2,213 men in Olmstead County, Minn., showed significant declines in erectile function, libido, and ejaculatory function -- but only moderate decreases in sexual satisfaction. "Older men may be less likely to perceive these declines as a problem and be dissatisfied," concluded the study's authors.


As Goldstein puts it, "The most important ingredient for a satisfying sex life is the ability to satisfy your partner, and that doesn't require peak sexual performance or a big penis. As long as a man's partner enjoys sexual intercourse, he feels like a god."
By David Freeman, WebMD.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Female Anal Sex and Orgasms



Female Anal Sex and Orgasms
Women who engage in anal stimulation describe the orgasms as being the "deepest" orgasm they've ever felt! Some women even describe anal orgasms as being even deeper and more powerful than vaginal orgasms!

Even if you have no interest in Anal sex, it’s important to learn about and understand because many women love anal sex but won’t initiate it, and many women who think they don’t like it learn to love it once they open up and try it.

  • There are some serious safety issues regarding anal sex that you need to be aware of at all times. First and foremost, whatever touches the anus shouldn't be touching anything else. Never never never take the penis out of the anus and put it into the vagina. That can lead to serious infections and other complications. After any kind of anal play, you should immediately change condoms and wash the relevant body parts thoroughly. 

  • One of the most important thing to remember when thinking about anal sex is that, unlike the vagina, the anus isn't self-lubricating: you gotta bring your own grease.  And, the more lube you use, the better. It will make the initial penetration much more easy and less painful for the woman and make the whole experience, for both of you, much more pleasant. The most common suggestion we get from our readers is to use LOTS of lube; we just can't emphasize this point enough. All kinds of lube are used for anal sex, from spit to Vaseline to high-tech silicone-based lubes.
 
  • Simply put, a penis is an awful big to be the first thing you stick up someone's butt . Better to start with something smaller and work your way up. Fingers are an excellent beginning point. Use one finger, then two, to initiate your partner into the mysteries of anal penetration. Try it while performing oral sex for an extra thrill. Be sure your fingernails are trimmed, not to forget the lube, and you might even want to wear latex gloves.  As your partner gets used to your fingers, you might graduate to a butt plug or a small dildo. Dildos are available in all shapes and sizes. Go shopping together to get one she thinks she can handle. Remember, though, don't put the dildo into the vagina after putting it into the anus. The safest way is to put a condom on the dildo before using it, and to wash it thoroughly immediately after.
  •  Before having anal sex, the woman should have a good, complete bowel movement. If she doesn't, the man may find himself encountering far more fecal matter than he might have liked (i.e. packing the fudge). Now, for some people doing this on-command might not be the easiest thing, and straining to defecate is not healthy. A high fiber diet may help things along and is good for your health in any case.

  • Of course, STDs are also a major concern with anal sex. This isn't just limited to AIDS; herpes, genital warts, syphilis, gonorrhea, etc. can all be transmitted through anal sex. You shouldn't be having anal sex without a condom; it's not worth the risk to either partner.


 Tantra.com website

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Guide to first time sex

Guide to First Time Sex
Tantra.com website
There can be a lot of pressure when having sexual intercourse for the first time. Having sex with someone just because you want to lose your virginity, or because you think all your friends are doing it, is something you may regret later.

You might feel lots of anxieties, especially the first time you have sexual intercourse. You may feel embarrassed about how you look without your clothes on, or worried about your privacy being disturbed. It's natural to feel some worries but good communication will really help to prevent you feeling embarrassed or worried. You should be able to talk to your partner about how you feel about having sex for the first time, and about any concerns you may have. Your partner might be worried, too. Being relaxed and able to share things with your partner will really ease the tension. And if you're too shy, or you're not able to talk about these things with your partner - then you probably shouldn't be having sex!

There are a lot of things to consider when making the decision to have sex for the first time. Here are some of the things one should think about before having sex, as well as some of the concerns that can come up for after having sex for the first time.

Is this the right decision for me?
Many young people experience a lot of pressure from their peers to engage in sexual activity. While sex can be very fun, with it comes a lot of responsibility, and you should really be sure that you are ready for it. Make sure that this is something that you want to do because you want to have sex, not because someone else expects you to.

If you aren't sure whether you're ready, then you're probably not. Don't feel pressured by your friends . . . just because other teens say they've had sex, doesn't mean you have to. And anyway, are you sure they're telling the truth? Never do anything that both you and your partner aren't totally comfortable with.

What's important is that you feel good about yourself and what you are doing, and that you keep yourself safe. Being safe means not only thinking about physical risks such as pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases but also the emotional risks
.

Take precautions. 
 If you're mature enough to be thinking about having sex, you should be mature enough to be able to discuss condoms. Just because someone's a virgin, it doesn't mean they definitely don't have a sexually transmitted infection such as HIV, although it does reduce the chances.

 Is this the right person for me to have sex with?
 Some people may be ready to have sex, and it does not matter to them who the first person is. However, be aware that after having sex with someone (especially for the first time), you may become emotionally attached to them. If your virginity is something that you hold to a very high esteem, we hope that you decide to share your first experience with someone you really trust and care for.

Are you prepared?
Sex is something that should be planned, and not spur of the moment. You need to be responsible for your safety with adequate protection. This may include carrying around a condom to use when the moment arrives, or seeing a doctor about starting in on hormonal birth control. Using both methods would be preferable, as a hormonal form of birth control is more reliable for preventing pregnancy, and condoms are the only reliable protector against STDs and STIs. 
  
Is it normal for me to bleed?
Many women bleed their first few times having sex; many women also do not bleed at all. Either way is completely normal. The bleeding that some women experience is caused by the tearing of the hymen, which is a thin piece of skin that covers the opening of the female genital. As you have intercourse, the hymen is usually torn, and pushed aside to allow room for the male genital. Sometimes, this results in bleeding. Many women bleed the first few times they have sex. This is nothing to be concerned about, as the hymen is still being pulled in new directions.

Many women do not bleed at all their first time having sex. This is not to say that they are not virgins, it merely means that they have already torn their hymen during a different activity. The hymen may be torn through such activities as gymnastics, bicycle riding, or even inserting a tampon. Scientists are not even convinced that all women are born with hymens. Therefore, during your first time of having sex, the presence (or lack thereof) of blood should not concern you.

Note: If you continue bleeding heavily after your first few times having sex, or if you continue bleeding many hours after your first sexual experience, please consult a doctor.

Can you get pregnant your first time?
 Yes! You can get pregnant whenever you have sex, and it doesn't make any difference if you do it in a bath or standing up, either. If you don't feel ready to be a parent, use use effective birth control right from the start.
If he "pulls out" (before ejaculation) is it still possible for me to get pregnant?
Once again, yes. Males secrete "pre-cum" fluids long before they ejaculate, and the pre-cum usually contains sperm. "Pulling-out", also known as "withdrawal", is NOT a method of birth control.   

Will it hurt?
Many girls worry that it will hurt when they have sex for the first time. It can hurt, but often not a lot, and some girls do bleed a little bit. The bleeding usually occurs because the girl has a hymen which breaks the first time she has sexual intercourse.

The hymen is a small piece of thin skin which goes across the opening of a girl's vagina and protects it when she is young. It has some gaps in it where the blood can come out when she has her period. Sometimes a girl might already having broken her hymen without knowing about it - this can happen as a result of playing sports or bicycle riding.

Sex the first time shouldn't hurt for a boy, but he can make it easier for his partner by being gentle and taking it slowly - try to make it special for you both.

Some women enjoy their first time having sex. However, do not be discouraged if this is not the case for you. In almost all cases, the subsequent sexual encounters get better, and more enjoyable. There are, however, ways for you to avoid an unpleasant first experience.  

Tips
 Be sure you are in the right state of mind. Make sure that sex is something that you really want, and do not feel pressured into it. If you are not psychologically turned on, the sex will not be as much fun. Also, try to get any negative thoughts on sex out of your mind (any guilt you might feel, for example).

Be sure you are fully aroused. Spend a lot of time doing foreplay, and try not to rush it. The more lubricated you are, the more enjoyable the sex will be.

Use extra lubrication. A lot of the pain experienced during sex by women is caused by a lack of adequate lubrication. You may naturally be nervous your first time, which may prevent you from becoming fully aroused. Using extra lubrication, such as KY Jelly or AstroGlide, will ensure a smoother first sexual experience.

Use protection. Sex without worries of pregnancy and STDs is always more enjoyable, even if it takes a few moments away from foreplay to get set up (put the condom on, use spermicide, etc). 

Is it legal? 
The age of consent differs between countries. India's age of consent for heterosexual sex is 16 except in Manipur, where it is 14. If the partners are married then a lower age of consent applies (13 in Manipur and 15 elsewhere) Its illegal to have sex if you are below these age limits

So why do we have a legal age for having sex? Because this is the age when the government believes young people are mature enough to handle the responsibilities that come with having sex. All too often people think they are ready when they’re not. Age of consent laws are also designed to prevent older people from taking advantage of children and young teenagers who may not understand the consequences of having sex, or even what sex is.

What is virginity?
A 'virgin' is traditionally seen as someone who has never had sexual intercourse before. However, people have different ideas about what 'losing your virginity' means. For some, it's simply having heterosexual sex for the first time. For others, it can mean having any sort of sex – including gay or lesbian sex – for the first time.

Does oral/ fingering/ anal/ masturbation count as losing your virginity?  
This is a difficult question, and again, people have different views. Whether you think these things 'count' or not, don't forget that all of them can transmit STDs. And whatever you think 'being a virgin' means, remember that the most important thing is making sure you're ready before you do anything sexual.  

She/ he is not a virgin but I am 
Don't let that make you feel inferior - being a good lover is about sensitivity, not experience. And the advantage is that you don't have the pressure of being their first. He or she's more experienced - that's a good thing, your partner knows what to expect.

Won't I look inexperienced if I admit it's my first time?
No - be honest with your partner; let them know you haven't been with anyone else. There's nothing embarrassing about saying "I'm a virgin!". If you're close enough to someone to be thinking about having sex, you should be close enough to be able to talk honestly to them. If they know it's your first time, your partner will know to go easy on you.

Will we be able to enjoy it?
First-time sex doesn't always hurt, but it isn't guaranteed to be great, either. Some couples say that on their first time they both enjoyed it, other couples say that neither of them had an orgasm. It's an individual thing, just try not to expect too much from your first time - like anything else, it takes a while to learn about your body and about your partner's. Just make sure that you're ready and you've got contraception sorted out. Talk to your partner, try to make it special and enjoyable for you both.  

What is Female Ejaculation

What is Female Ejaculation
Tantra.com website

Female ejaculation is a release of fluid from the external genitalia associated with sexual activity. Some say this fluid must be released under pressure, while others say it must be associated with the woman's orgasm. Whatever the definition used, female ejaculations are hard to find.


What Women Experience

There is very little research on this phenomenon. Not surprisingly, the more stringent the definition, the fewer the number of women who can be found to have experienced it. In one study, women were stimulated where the supposed G-spot is (on the vaginal wall closest to the stomach) and asked, immediately afterwards, if they experienced a spurt of fluid at orgasm. Only 6% said they did at the time. A total of 13% said they ever had. However, the existence of the G-spot itself is controversial, which consequently makes this view questionable, too.

If one loosens the definition to be a spurt of fluid at orgasm, without specifying stimulation of the alleged G-spot be involved, more women say "yes." However, these numbers may be inflated as these studies also differed by surveying women, instead of testing them directly. In other words, the researchers asked the women to remember their experiences throughout life, rather than having them have sex and report back to the researchers right away. The results of the two studies known varied greatly. One study reported only "a handful" of women experienced ejaculations, while another study showed 39.5% experienced the same. The exact words used in questioning the women may account for the differences. Yet another survey found about 40% of women said 'yes' when a release (as opposed to a spurt) of fluid at orgasm was the criteria.


What is it and where does it come from?

There is also controversy regarding the anatomical structures and the type of fluid that is expelled. Some investigators believe that the fluid originates from structures called the Skene's glands, which exits through the urethra (where urine comes out). Still others believe that the fluid comes from the bladder, and is, in fact urine. An alternate term is orgastic urination. Essentially, this is stress urinary incontinence due to orgasm.

On the other hand, some believe that the fluid is vaginal in origin. It is theorized when the vagina becomes narrowed from engorgement with blood during sexual excitement and then spasms due to orgasm, that this creates enough pressure to eject vaginal fluid.

What does it all mean?

Few women experience a phenomenon that closely resembles male ejaculation, although many report some kind of fluid release. What it is and where it comes from and why (or even if) women do it is still uncertain. If you think you experience it, you are not abnormal. And if you don't, you are not abnormal, either!

Friday, January 29, 2010

Women Ejaculation - How it work

Women Ejaculation - How it work
Tantra.com website

Most of the women ejaculate when they experience an orgasm usually with G-spot stimulation, though some ejaculate with clitoral stimulation alone. It happens because the Skene’s glands are "milked" when you stimulate the G-spot (evidence to support the theory that, at least for some women, the glands are the reason for the G spot. Another explanation for the small number of women who ejaculate is that women are sexually aroused in so many different ways that only a small portion of them stimulate the glandular area that induces it.

There is a lot of talk about this subject usually described as "squirting" in forums. Women and men share a variety of views: loving it, trying to do it, and even wanting nothing to do with it. Most suggest experimenting by yourself first when your inhibitions are likely to be lower, thus avoiding potential embarrassment, and to answer any concern about it being urine. If you aren’t sure, use a white towel or tissue to catch the fluid so you can examine it. Sometimes it shoots out; sometimes it trickles or runs out of the vagina. It can be just a few drips or up to a of cup of liquid.

The fluid is released from the glands surrounding urethra opening. The actual composition seems to be a small amount of a chemically altered form of urine mixed with the glandular fluid, which is very similar to the liquid released when a man’s prostate is stimulated during sex. It doesn’t smell like urine, nor does it stain like urine.

It is possible, although very unlikely, for women to urinate during intercourse especially if the muscles have been weakened following childbirth weakening the pelvic floor muscles, Kegal exercise can help restore this muscle strength..

Women are lucky they poccess the ability to orgasm from many different arousal techniques and its only natural that they would enjoy some methods more than others. Work with your own individual sexual identity.

If you don't ejaculate do not strive for it to the exclusion of other sexual pleasure after all if you only ejaculate a small amount it may be unnoticeable amongst your normal lubrication.

Monday, January 4, 2010

How to Take Charge in Bed

How to Take Charge in Bed

Tantra.com website

By Suzie Heumann, Founder of Tantra.com


How do you become the initiator of more adventurous sex? So many women and sometimes men have to get their arms twisted before they get intimate. Their submissive roles in the bedroom never change. Why is it important to break out of this role sometimes, and how can you do it?
Ancient Eastern philosophy understands that the woman embodies the Shakti energy or creative force that 'makes the world go around.' The only problem is women are rarely taught to access it. We live in a world that teaches women to be passive (feminine) and men to be active (masculine). In truth, both sexes need to embody both the feminine and the masculine to be in true balance with nature. The Yin/Yang symbol represents this concept beautifully.
In most world cultures men carry the responsibility of being the macho, sexy guy who is just supposed to 'get it up.' Men have had to give up a tender side of themselves in order to fit this stereotype. Women then complain that their men aren't soft, considerate and emotionally available. It's confusing, isn't it? In reality men need touch, desire, and attention to feel turned on as much as women do. Preconceived notions of male sexuality can actually hinder a man's full sexual response.
Conversely, a woman is often caught in her role of the soft, passive, non-aggressor who expects to put little or no energy into her orgasms, pleasure, and creativeness around sex. Her partner is supposed to know what to do, when to do it, and how to do it. Not being a woman, or a mind reader, most men fail at this super-human task.
So, how do we bring more balance, adventure and spontaneity into the bedroom? Here are some helpful hints:
  1. Understand that it is your birthright to have as much pleasure as you can handle! Few people feel that they ever deserve that much. We were given so many nerve endings, in just the right places, how could we ever think we weren't meant to have lots of pleasure?
  2. Learn to ask for what you need and desire in a mindful, positive manner. This kind of communication will help you get ahead in all the areas of your life, including the bedroom. Compassionately help your partner learn to ask for what they want.
  3. Women - get your hands on some explicit instructional materials. Your lover will think it's sexy. You can take turns viewing videos, practicing new techniques together, trying new positions from the sex positions guide or even reading a sexy novel to each other. Design two nights a week as your 'study group' time. Plan to set aside time for a quickie and a longer lovemaking session each week. Your erotic quotient will go up exponentially!
    That's what the famous 'pillow books' like the Kama Sutra, from the Far East, were for. They showed couples new positions, kissing techniques, touch techniques, and much more. If you get bold enough to try a few new positions, you'll find they tend to break up old patterns and introduce fun, too.
  4. Women - learn and practice your Kegel sexercises. They will help with increasing libido, tightening love muscles for more friction, G-spot sensitivity, continence, and you'll impress your partner, too, with your amazing squeezing strength. (Guys - you too can have amazing PC muscles - and they'll help you have stronger, longer lasting erections too!)
  5. Don't be afraid of your Wild Woman (this goes for the Wild Man too!) What have you got to lose, anyway? Life is too short to be on-guard all of the time. Let go. Dress up in something a little outrageous. Do something that brings a little shock value to the bedroom.
There are many, many ideas, practices and activities that can help you create the intimacy you desire and deserve. A little adventurous spirit may be required to take risks that will open you up to each other. You'll be more fully your real selves if you do. Take charge once and awhile and see what happens. You've got nothing to lose and everything to gain!

 To really get the most out of your loving, consider some advanced training. Tantra.com Premium is your 24 hour a day guide to the skills that will take you to new heights of pleasure and intimacy.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Safety Tips for First Date

Tantra.com website
When you are meeting up with someone new for dating it is your duty that you put your safety first. First of all make sure you tell a close friend or family member where you are going on the date and try to give them a time that you will be back for. If the person you are meeting happens to be a friend already then the rules probably do not apply but on most occasions the person will be a stranger and you will not know much about them.

Don’t dress too provocatively. Obviously you want to impress on a first date so that a second date will follow but this does not mean you have to wear a mini skirt and be flashing your cleavage. Guys often prefer the casual look because you seem more laid back and at ease with yourself but also looking trashy may give the impression that you are up for something when you are not.

On a first date go to a public place such as the cinema, bowling, restaurant or a bar because if anything unexpected happens or you are getting bad vibes from a date there are people around to help you.
If you really just have to sleep with someone on the first date, go back to yours instead of theirs. At least at your home you are familiar with your surroundings and will have neighbours nearby if you find yourself in danger.

Set up a ‘get me out of this date now’ code with a friend. If the date is not going to plan or there is something just not quite right about the person you are with, nip to the toilet and message your friend.

Dates are meant to be fun but they will be more fun if you know you are safe and can relax.
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